Tag Archives: Family

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Walking on Two Again

For the last 25 years I have been a three legged woman. I have walked with my Grandmother and my Mom. I resemble them, in looks, in speech and in manner. All of it makes Johnny tremble, with a bit of fear and a lot of laughter. That is the way we do it. We laugh and we press on.

Thanksgiving is a week away. The Workman clan won’t be at the corner window table devouring delectable dishes from The Pines this Thanksgiving. We are plunging into muddy waters that are unknown and feel a bit frigid. This is uncomfortable. Crazy indeed, but I miss the anxiety created by Holidays. My Grandmother always pretended the Holidays made her more nervous than joyful, but I know the truth.  She loved each Holiday and awaiting the arrival (yes I was always late and Mom was always early) of our family and watching the boys devour an embarrassing amount of food from the buffet. She loved watching the choices my children made and she encouraged them to treat themselves to two desserts on Holidays. The grits were always their favorite; I think it was the heavy cream. She ate like a bird so she could take in every moment of those memorable meals.

For so many years Mom, Emmer and I were the three legged human. Sometimes I think we were more like a kangaroo where two feet did the work while one was carried in the pouch. We took turns being the Mother of us all. Though I will say my Grandfather coined the phrase “mother of us all” when referencing me in his genealogy some 30 years ago. Brilliant man!

There is no pouch anymore. There are two legs now and we have to walk.  Emmer taught us well. She trained us well.  I trust she delights in her own humor and spirit that Mom and I display. I am not walking alone. We demonstrate the sincerity, the determination and the (sometimes brutal) honesty that my Grandmother taught us both. This Thanksgiving I will walk on two legs, sometimes one of mine and one of Mom’s and sometimes just my own. Regardless they bare the weight of life lessons that make me the person I am today.

I miss her deeply. In the end, I am grateful, for Emmer, that she has finally found her resting place. I will forever treasure my years of loving her, laughing with her, crying with her and learning from her. Enjoy your Thanksgiving at home Emmer. We love you and we miss you. Above all, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for you.

© Copyright Gatewood Campbell, November 2013

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Erasing Expectations, Embracing Grace

September was a notable month for me this year. It marked my 40th birthday, which was celebrated in grand style with some wonderful friends. I felt so loved…so unbelievably surrounded by love. Late September is also the anniversary of my first grand mal seizure which eventually, and quite frankly, thankfully, led to my epilepsy diagnosis. It’s a date fixated in my memory with visions of looking across a store and looking at my 2-year-old. Everything inside me was screaming for help, for my son and for myself. I had no clue what was about to occur, I just knew something was terribly wrong and I needed someone to help us. I awoke to a sore arm where I landed on a clothes rack, another huge bump on my head and a bleeding tongue. I had the pleasure of one more escorted ride to the ER.

Eight years. It seems like an eternity and yet it seems like yesterday. I have had a hard time with this 40 thing. I’m so far from where I thought I would be at 40. Ten years ago I was pregnant, well actually about to blow a major-gasket-size pregnant, with our second child. We knew he would be our last, because hell hath no fury like a woman who has thrown up everyday for 9 consecutive months. This one was it! In my mind I was ready to settle down with our two children, adjust to a change in jobs at CAT for Johnny and find my niche in my own career at the church which was experiencing growth in monumental proportion. My plan went smoothly for a couple of years.

And then God reminded us all that He, and only He is in control of our lives. In the blessings, in the joy and in the abundance, we forget to run to Him. We forget to ask Him to guide us, to ask Him to forgive us and to ask Him everyday to be the light in our lives and let us reflect His life saving light. I had forgotten that God gave me breath, that He chose Johnny and me to raise Justin and Hunter. I had forgotten to thank Him each day for my husband, my children, my home, provisions for all of us and most importantly for sending His son Jesus for me. He knocked me off my feet so I would draw near to Him as my comfortable world around me crumbled. I guess the first time didn’t work, so He tried a second time to get my full attention.

Last week as I was running I passed a church, well actually I passed 6 churches on a one mile stretch of one road. You know you live in the heart of the south AND the Bible belt when there are 6 churches on one road within one mile. Seriously, if everyone joined forces can you imagine the power? Oh well, that is another topic for another day. Anyway, one of the churches had a marquee about the coming week’s sermon. It said “Erasing Expectations, Embracing Grace”. I ran past that marquee several times last week and each time it really struck a chord with me. My 40th birthday had me thinking about the expectations I had once had for myself. It had me thinking about my failures. My, my, my. Not once had I thought that perhaps I had accomplished the expectations God had for me. I was too fixated on what limitations I now have from my brain injury and from the epilepsy and where I might have been. I forgot that God brought me to this point in my life because He loves me. God gave me His grace to get me to this point and I had forgotten that my life is about fulfilling His plan, not my own. I have sinned in forgetting His grace surrounds me daily.

In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul writes about his thorn in the flesh and pleading with God to remove it. Some think Paul may have even been referencing epilepsy. I too have pleaded with God to remove my own thorn in the flesh. Just as God chose my husband for me, chose me as the Mother for Justin and Hunter, He chose me to have epilepsy. I never questioned the blessings of my husband or my children, yet I questioned epilepsy. Perhaps, God blessed me with epilepsy too? When Paul pleaded with God, God spoke to him and said in verse 9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness”. Well what a fool I have been! Paul reminds us that only in our weakness, our infirmities and our distresses is the almighty power of God displayed. God makes us weak so that we will trust Him, lean on Him, thank Him for our daily bread and our daily breath.

What if I wake up tomorrow with no expectations and just embraced the grace that God gave me to allow me another day? What if I face each day erasing my expectations and asking God for encounters with Him? It’s about perspective. Is the glass half empty, or is it half full? Is God part of my life, or is He my life…the source of my life?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

© Copyright Gatewood Campbell, October 2013

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Oh Heavenly Day!

Another milestone. Today is my Grandmother’s birthday. She would be 98.

Last year Mom and I had lunch with her at “her table” #28, the four top in the corner where she could easily drive up and stay seated in her electric cart. We have been known to pretend to await the arrival of the 4th invited guest that seemed to be no show. She treasured her time with just Mom and me and she would go to whatever lengths to ensure she got it when she could. That darn guest was a no show again last year too, wouldn’t you know it?!

I asked Emmer last year what she wanted for her birthday. For as long as I can remember she would say there was nothing in the world she could think of. We usually came up with something unique. Sometimes she had to hide it in her room, but once she passed 90, I thought she earned whatever she wanted. Last year she wanted my homemade apple pie. So I got up that morning, made her pie from scratch and pulled it out of the oven just in time to head to The Pines for lunch. Emmer looked beautiful, as always. This was her day! I had chosen her clothes the day before and hung her jewelry around the blouse coat hanger as I always did when she was dressing for a special occasion. I remember her smiling, laughing and listening to stories of Mom’s latest travels and adventures and hearing about the kids going back to school. Oh how she loved that birthday apple pie that day. We were the very last people to leave the Dining Room and she took the leftover pie, hidden in a box tucked behind her cart.

Emmer thought she was old enough and she thought she had seen enough. When we talked about her birthday each year she would shake her head and say “Oh heavenly day! I’m how old? Don’t you think that is enough?” I would always shrug my shoulders and tell her it was just good genes. We would joke about needing a double room in the nursing unit that she could share with Mom at the rate she was going. (This always struck fear in Johnny as he has watched so many of Emmer’s traits come forth in Mom, and Mom’s traits in me. Ever thought you could see into your future? Yeah, that makes him laugh and cringe all at the same time!)

Well, let me just say to you Emmer, Oh Heavenly Day! You lived long…very long, you loved with your whole soul, you taught us to value each other and your spirit lives on in each of us. Happy Birthday Emmer! This is your heavenly day! Cheers to you Emmer!!

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© Gatewood Campbell, August 2013

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Changing Seasons

Here I sit, the last weekend of summer (before school starts). It marks the end of one season and the beginning of another. Part of me is beyond ready for some routine in our life, can I get an Amen from any other moms out there? Yet part of me remains anxious about the silence that will fall on my house at 7:30 on Monday morning and the demands that will arrive at 3pm Monday afternoon. 4th grade and 10th grade… more changes are coming, that’s for sure!

We have been incredibly blessed with an amazing summer. We had the chance to spend invaluable time with each other and relax in the places I love best. We started the summer with a Braves game on our way to a week of glorious weather at Rosemary Beach, FL. We came home just long enough to get the clothes clean and head to Montreat with my Mom and my brother’s family for a week. Ahhhh. Then home for long enough to get the clothes clean, ship Justin off to youth camp with church and then welcome our family from Germany for three weeks. Justin spent two weeks in Drivers Ed and in a couple of weeks will be ready to test for his permit. It’s been a busy summer but somehow restful.

And here we are. Justin spent this evening doing what he loves most; drumming in his room with his favorite tunes in his ears. Hunter is at church at a back to school lock-in and Johnny and I are watching the Braves battle the Cardinals. The kids are each finding their niche in life and watching them blossom makes a mama glow.

I’m still working to embrace the changes of 2013. It seems like forever and yet it seems like yesterday when this year began. I took a long break from running during the winter and spring. The road wasn’t calling my name as it had in the past. Thanks to some faithful, supportive and determined friends, I’m registered to run a half marathon in Savannah this fall. That is keeping me on a modified workout schedule at the gym and logging minimal mileage each week. It’s all good though. Savannah gives me a goal and something to keep me somewhat focused. If there is one thing I can count on, I will find my way to the finish line in Savannah, with my Mom (my faithful race cheerleader) waiting for me.

I’m learning to say “no” to the things that aren’t good for me and I’m finding people more receptive to my response. I’m learning to accept where I am, but I just haven’t figured out where I am going…yet. It will come, in time, I just have to be patient. Patience with myself, patience with medicine, patience with my future; it is all a frustrating process, but necessary for the payoff.

God is in the details. If there is one resounding theme I have seen this year, it is that God is in all the details. My children are finding their small niche in a big world, deer season is coming and Johnny is hopeful some large rubs will prove profitable and I’m trusting that if God has all that covered He has something waiting for me too. I am about to be 40. I am so far from where I once thought I would be at this stage in my life. I won’t lie, I am struggling with this but reminding myself daily that God’s plans are greater than mine.

Life will continue to bring changes, challenges and opportunities for victories. Seasons will continue to change and I will continue to age (some years better than others). My prayer is that with each changing season, with each challenge, I will recognize the opportunity to seize the victory.

I love Mandisa’s song “Overcomer”. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dz29olPjFbqg . Looking back on a season invested in family, looking back on a season of accepting many changes and looking forward to an unknown season, I want to overcome.

© Gatewood Campbell, August 2013

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Sweet Reunions

We coined it the “German Invasion”. My Mom’s brother has been here for the last week with his daughter, her fourth child, his son and daughter in law and their twin daughters. They were all here from Germany for the youngest children to become American citizens.

I can now update my Grandmother’s yellow notepad where she listed all her great-grandchildren and their citizenship status. It was always important to her that all her great-grandchildren obtain their American citizenship duly awarded to them by my Uncle’s natural born citizenship and 30+ years living here before moving to Germany to pursue his career. Though they have lived across the pond we are connected by blood and now we are all American citizens. My Grandmother would have celebrated this rite of passage with her forth, fifth and sixth great-grandchildren born in Germany.

Aside from my Uncle, this has been the first visit for the rest of my family from Germany since my Grandmother died. We were anxious, to put it mildly. How would this feel without our matriarch? Can my Mother and my Uncle carry on their Mother’s legacy the way she would want? Can they keep the bow tied, beautifully bonding this family that has been parted by the Atlantic for so many years? This visit had a purpose; citizenship. But even more personally we each needed to know that the ties that bind go far beyond a grave.

I cannot imagine the difficult and emotional choices my Uncle and my Grandparents made years ago when he moved to Germany for what has proven to be a wise decision as he achieved world wide success. We are now spoiled by free email, Facebook and Skype that keeps us all connected. Over the years as long distance became affordable my Grandmother spoke to her son almost daily and she looked forward to his calls, receiving updates on the day to day life of her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren. One week before she died we had arranged a surprise Skype with my cousin, his wife and her 11month old twin great-grandchildren. It was the first and last time she saw them in anything more than still pictures. She barely spoke. She just smiled and stared with happiness that lit up the room. I remember my cousin asking if she could hear them speaking and see the girls. I reassured him that she was watching the screen and was simply speechless in her joy. I will never forget sitting beside her in front of the computer screen that Tuesday morning.

Her presence has been with us over the last couple of weeks. We have laughed at things she would have said. We have tearfully noted her absence and joyfully relished in the knowledge that family remains family, no matter the distance. She formed bonds that will withstand the forces of any tide. We found healing with each other.

She would be happy. She would be beyond happy to see her family together, celebrating another generation, celebrating American citizenship for her great-grandchildren. She would be beyond happy watching her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren getting reacquainted with each other and fall in love with family. She would be beyond happy to see that we are living out love the way she taught us, not letting water separate the love that she bore.

It makes me happy, that in her absence, she is still calling the shots in this family.

© Gatewood Campbell, July 2013